For the past year, I’ve been living with a terrible secret: I ignominiously lost the Oscar contest I entered at Judi Marcin’s fabulous 2011 Oscar party. I say “ignominiously” because I walked through her front door 366 days ago and loudly proclaimed that I would know I was in the wrong profession if, as a film studies instructor, I did not end up winning the contest. At the end of the evening I had correctly predicted 17 out of 24 categories, which, quite painfully, was one less than the ever-affable Mike Wernette.
Well, I’m happy to report that last night I got my sweet revenge. Out of the dozen attendees at Judi’s 2012 party, I was the only one to correctly predict 17 out of 24 categories. This time that was two more than Mike W., who came in second place. The above photo is of him handing me the top prize, a chocolate Oscar. So now I no longer need to think about quitting my day job. Also, I figure that, like Miss America, I now have bragging rights for the next year. For this, I’d like to thank Mike, Judi, everyone at the party, and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences . . .
As for the 2012 awards show itself, here is my review: a bunch of millionaires jerking off in a circle. (To read my review of any of the shows from previous years, please substitute for “2012” any number between 1929 and 2011.)
White City Cinema 
February 27th, 2012 at 8:28 am
This is bullshit. Everyone last night who won thanked their husbands or wives in their speeches. Where is my thank you?!
February 27th, 2012 at 8:33 am
Another disappointing year for the oscars, with the exception of Woody Allen not showing up to receive his award.
February 27th, 2012 at 8:43 am
lol I love the way you summed up the show. I haven’t seen it in years. I wasn’t going to see it again, even though i love Scorsese and Woody Allen. But, it pretty much is a bunch of millionaires jerking off in a circle.
February 27th, 2012 at 8:44 am
You guys are hilarious.
February 27th, 2012 at 9:47 am
That’s pretty funny. I’d love to try my hand at a contest like that.
And last night, I was so angry. I can’t believe an awards group that used to have a certain amount of integrity has become such a big, televised joke where you can predict every winner. And call me a conspiracy theorist, but I feel like there’s a certain amount of bribes going on by studios. I was, however, happy with the winners for both screenplays, best animated film, and best foreign language film.
February 27th, 2012 at 10:04 am
Zach, I too was happy to see Midnight in Paris and A Separation win.
A critics poll in Film Comment magazine recently named the top twenty worst Best Picture Oscar winners. Interestingly, most of them are recent films. Hard to argue with these choices:
1. Crash Paul Haggis, 2005
2. Slumdog Millionaire Danny Boyle, 2008
3. Chicago Rob Marshall, 2002
4. Forrest Gump Robert Zemeckis, 1994
5. A Beautiful Mind Ron Howard, 2001
6. Gladiator Ridley Scott, 2000
7. American Beauty Sam Mendes, 1999
8. Shakespeare in Love John Madden, 1998
9. Braveheart Mel Gibson, 1995
10. Titanic James Cameron, 1997
11. Driving Miss Daisy Bruce Beresford, 1989
12. Dances with Wolves Kevin Costner, 1990
13. The Greatest Show on Earth Cecil B. DeMille, 1952
14. The King’s Speech Tom Hooper, 2010
15. The English Patient Anthony Minghella, 1996
16. Amadeus Milos Forman, 1984
17. Around the World in 80 Days Michael Anderson, 1956
18. Chariots of Fire Hugh Hudson, 1981
19. Gandhi Richard Attenborough, 1982
20. Mrs. Miniver William Wyler, 1942
February 27th, 2012 at 11:51 pm
I like American Beauty,The English Patient,Amadeus and agree with the others.Oscar sucks after 2000s.
February 27th, 2012 at 11:46 am
I liked a fair amount of those films, but I agree most of them shouldn’t have won Best Picture. However, I disagree with the American Beauty listing, since that is one of my top five favorite movies.
Aside from the awards stated in my last comment, I was so infuriated with this year’s selections, particularly the snubbing of Rooney Mara. I’ve also noticed a trend in which Best Director now seems required to match Best Picture. I miss the days when those awards could be separate.
February 27th, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Did you ever think to submit Catastrophe to the Academy?
February 27th, 2012 at 4:48 pm
two words: orange & teal
February 27th, 2012 at 5:00 pm
And nice last sentence Mike, the one about jerking off. That definitely adds the panache and pizazz quality to your writing. Very academic.
February 27th, 2012 at 6:11 pm
Zach, we are going to submit it to “Oscar qualifying festivals” so that technically it will be eligible for the award next year.
John, how DARE you bring up the evils of digital color grading on my blog, sir?!
Jillian, what are you talking about? Jerking off and academia go together like bacon and eggs.
February 27th, 2012 at 6:41 pm
I hope your parents don’t read this.