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Oscars Post-Mortem: My Sweet Revenge

For the past year, I’ve been living with a terrible secret: I ignominiously lost the Oscar contest I entered at Judi Marcin’s fabulous 2011 Oscar party. I say “ignominiously” because I walked through her front door 366 days ago and loudly proclaimed that I would know I was in the wrong profession if, as a film studies instructor, I did not end up winning the contest. At the end of the evening I had correctly predicted 17 out of 24 categories, which, quite painfully, was one less than the ever-affable Mike Wernette.

Well, I’m happy to report that last night I got my sweet revenge. Out of the dozen attendees at Judi’s 2012 party, I was the only one to correctly predict 17 out of 24 categories. This time that was two more than Mike W., who came in second place. The above photo is of him handing me the top prize, a chocolate Oscar. So now I no longer need to think about quitting my day job. Also, I figure that, like Miss America, I now have bragging rights for the next year. For this, I’d like to thank Mike, Judi, everyone at the party, and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences . . .

As for the 2012 awards show itself, here is my review: a bunch of millionaires jerking off in a circle. (To read my review of any of the shows from previous years, please substitute for “2012” any number between 1929 and 2011.)

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About michaelgloversmith

Filmmaker, author and Film Studies instructor. View all posts by michaelgloversmith

13 responses to “Oscars Post-Mortem: My Sweet Revenge

  • Jillian

    This is bullshit. Everyone last night who won thanked their husbands or wives in their speeches. Where is my thank you?!

  • drew

    Another disappointing year for the oscars, with the exception of Woody Allen not showing up to receive his award.

  • Omar Pineda

    lol I love the way you summed up the show. I haven’t seen it in years. I wasn’t going to see it again, even though i love Scorsese and Woody Allen. But, it pretty much is a bunch of millionaires jerking off in a circle.

  • Zach

    That’s pretty funny. I’d love to try my hand at a contest like that.

    And last night, I was so angry. I can’t believe an awards group that used to have a certain amount of integrity has become such a big, televised joke where you can predict every winner. And call me a conspiracy theorist, but I feel like there’s a certain amount of bribes going on by studios. I was, however, happy with the winners for both screenplays, best animated film, and best foreign language film.

  • michaelgloversmith

    Zach, I too was happy to see Midnight in Paris and A Separation win.

    A critics poll in Film Comment magazine recently named the top twenty worst Best Picture Oscar winners. Interestingly, most of them are recent films. Hard to argue with these choices:

    1. Crash Paul Haggis, 2005
    2. Slumdog Millionaire Danny Boyle, 2008
    3. Chicago Rob Marshall, 2002
    4. Forrest Gump Robert Zemeckis, 1994
    5. A Beautiful Mind Ron Howard, 2001
    6. Gladiator Ridley Scott, 2000
    7. American Beauty Sam Mendes, 1999
    8. Shakespeare in Love John Madden, 1998
    9. Braveheart Mel Gibson, 1995
    10. Titanic James Cameron, 1997
    11. Driving Miss Daisy Bruce Beresford, 1989
    12. Dances with Wolves Kevin Costner, 1990
    13. The Greatest Show on Earth Cecil B. DeMille, 1952
    14. The King’s Speech Tom Hooper, 2010
    15. The English Patient Anthony Minghella, 1996
    16. Amadeus Milos Forman, 1984
    17. Around the World in 80 Days Michael Anderson, 1956
    18. Chariots of Fire Hugh Hudson, 1981
    19. Gandhi Richard Attenborough, 1982
    20. Mrs. Miniver William Wyler, 1942

  • Zach

    I liked a fair amount of those films, but I agree most of them shouldn’t have won Best Picture. However, I disagree with the American Beauty listing, since that is one of my top five favorite movies.

    Aside from the awards stated in my last comment, I was so infuriated with this year’s selections, particularly the snubbing of Rooney Mara. I’ve also noticed a trend in which Best Director now seems required to match Best Picture. I miss the days when those awards could be separate.

  • Zach

    Did you ever think to submit Catastrophe to the Academy?

  • John

    two words: orange & teal

  • Jillian

    And nice last sentence Mike, the one about jerking off. That definitely adds the panache and pizazz quality to your writing. Very academic.

  • michaelgloversmith

    Zach, we are going to submit it to “Oscar qualifying festivals” so that technically it will be eligible for the award next year.

    John, how DARE you bring up the evils of digital color grading on my blog, sir?!

    Jillian, what are you talking about? Jerking off and academia go together like bacon and eggs.

  • jilliemae

    I hope your parents don’t read this.

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